CAN'T I JUST BE HAPPY?

I feel like nothing I ever do is good enough...what the fuck is wrong with me...its so defeating....and I can't help but cry because it gets the pain out...but its STILL THERE...and still empty...

Love yourself above all else!

Until Recently I haven't been able to answer the question "Why are you single?" (When it does get asked) After thinking about it a lot...soul searching and such...this is the conclusion I have reached...

I am single...because I like my independence. I like not having to wonder what my "bf" is up to when we're not together...or what he is doing when he hangs out with his friends...I like doing my own things...I like being my own boss and playing by my own rules!

Don't get me wrong...I LOVE the feelings I get from being in a relationship...but at the same time I like NOT being in one too...

Sometimes I feel like I'm constantly lonely...but in all reality...I am making myself feel lonely...which comes from not loving myself first...so thats the plan...work on loving myself first...so that others can love me too...

Stop from worrying about what people think of me...and only concentrate on what I THINK of myself...and go from there.

I'm not perfect...NOOOO WAY! FAR FROM IT...but in order to exude happiness...I need to BE happy...I can fake happy til the cows come home...most of the time I AM HAPPY...but recently I haven't felt the happiness that I am used to...so its time to search for what makes me happy...pursue that goal of being happy!

I am determined to be completely happy...single...for now...and IF...(like they say) "He finds me when I stop searching for him" and only IF I AM HAPPY BEING ME...will I welcome it into my life. Until then...it isn't meant to be.

Right now I need to focus on things that make me/keep me happy...most of it revolves around MUSIC! So I shall emerse myself in music...every aspect of it! This will truly make me happy...

Off to work :D


Love and Music Beats,
EL <3

MIAMI....TOMORROW!!!!!!!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!

I can't believe the day is finally here!!! I leave for Miami tomorrow night!!! I can't wait to be with the Global Trancefamily!!!

On a side note...I managed to lose 15lbs...FINALLY! It wasn't my goal...BUT its a slow process and I am so happy with the results! Buying shorts a size smaller was amazing....and buying a super cute bathing suit is always a great feeling! I have EDC to look forward to, SO I have another goal to try and attain...with something to look forward to...it will make it easier after I get back from Miami!!!

Anyways...I got lots of stuff to do before I leave....soooo blog to you later!!!

Until Next Time....

Keep Breathing =)

~E

My Trance Family Shirt That I made...I also made another one on a white tank with red Letters :D

4 weeks and going STRONG!!!

I started the 4th week of my Diet/Exercise/Life change plan this past Monday! I reallllly can notice a huge difference! I have lost 10LBS and my body feels healthier!!! I feel less depressed (weird how food affects your moods) I am less emotional...and overall I feel better! I wish I had more energy sometimes, but that is just a lack of sleep most days haha!

Miami is 5 weeks away! I am hoping to lose another 10-15lbs before then! I know I can...I HAVE TO!!!

Much love and thanks for all the support my friends/family/co-workers have been giving me! I use it as motivation!!!

<3,
E

Here are a couple comparing pics from the past couple of weeks...see if you can tell the difference?

1/22/11 Before Diet Started

1/29/11 ~ 1 week after Diet Started

1/29/11 ~ 1 week after Diet Started

2/5/11 ~ 2 weeks after Diet Started

2/12/11 ~ 3 weeks after Diet Started

Can you see any differences? Please let me know! Cause I do :D

So far So Good!!!

It is now Day 4 of my new regiment...diet wise! And I'm doing really well! I'm surprising myself daily!

It has definitely showed me that I am not useless in the kitchen HAHAHA! I haven't started going to the gym yet...this week wasn't a good one haha...Monday its go time!

I owe a huge huge thanks to...well I'll call her AJ...haha...for being there when I have a question...because I have so many!

I can't wait til the pounds start melting off...Miami is less than 2 months away! I need to look better than I already do :D

Here are some pics of what I've been eating...in case you want to start it too! :D

Lunch: Whole Wheat Turkey Sandwich (6 slices of turkey), Raw Veggies and Blueberries

Breakfast: Dannon Light and Fit Yogurt, 1/2 cup of Granola, 10 Blueberries and banana

Lunch: Whole Wheat English Muffin, 4 slices of Turkey, 1 Kiwi Mixed Raw Veggies

Dinner: Grilled Chicken with Grilled Carrots, Bell Peppers and Snow Peas

Lunch: Left Over Grilled Chicken raw Veggies and Blueberries

Dinner: Grilled Chicken, Mixed Grilled Veggies (Bell pepper, Zucchini, Carrots, Snow Peas) Before Whole Wheat Tortilla

Making Dinner...looks pretty!

Dinner: Fajita for 1...Grilled Chicken, Mixed Grilled Veggies, 1 whole wheat tortilla

PM: Snack, Milk Free....Muscle Milk - Vanilla Creme

Dinner: Grilled Chicken, Mixed Grilled Veggies, Brown Rice, sprinkle of Teriyaki sauce 

It's weird...now that I'm cooking dinner almost every night, I am constantly thinking of things to make during the day haha! I wonder what I'll whip up tomorrow!

Enjoy the pics!

~E

Oh....I wanted to say thanks to everyone who has been supporting me in this! With your motivation and support, I know I can do it! <3

Change starts now!

So many things need to change...and starting tomorrow...they are going to!

1. Thanks to motivation from a friend (well many friends), I am changing my diet/exercise plan. I went out and bought lots of veggies, some fruit, lean meat, whole wheat breads, and will no longer be drinking soda or juice! I will also be going to the gym...I'll start off slow...1-2 days a week, and then build up to more days a week. I really want to get back into yoga...and maybe start meditating for at least 10-15 minutes each night. I need to figure out way to clear the stress from my life...I'm hoping that going to the gym, meditating and doing yoga will do the trick!

2. I am no longer going to be pouring opportunities out to people who are not grateful for them. Yes...I am a nice person...I get walked on all the time...and this is stopping. I am not anyones connection into anything...I am my own connection...for me and me only. The only people I truly will help are my close close friends...those who do not use me for personal success. They appreciate me for me, not for who I know or work. This may sound a bit harsh...but like I said...I'm tired of being under appreciated for the opportunities that I give to others.

3. I have just acquired a book that I am going to be calling "The Bible." My goal is to have this book read by the end of this week. After reading it, I am going to use it daily...or as much as I possibly can! It will definitely help me be who I want to be...and conquer my own destiny!

I control the path to my destiny...my mind has all the answers...I am learning to trust myself and my judgement more...and recently it has come into play...and I'm glad at the choices I have made...and have swayed from.

I have to get the thought of "When's it my turn" out of my head...slowly but surely it will be my turn...and I look forward to that day so much...until then...I'm taking it day by day...

Hope you all had a great weekend!

~E

So Frustrated!

Why can't I just WIN for once!

Part of me feels used...doing something to help someone else out...and not getting the credit...it hurts! Why do people have to lie about how something really happens?

I'm done trying to help people...no more...I refuse to be ANYONES doormat... I refuse to let people walk all over me....if I have to be a bitch about it...I will be!

REALLY....WOW...I'm so disappointed in people!

~E